[dbolli]

Clients From Hell

tons of great quotes

e.g. Client: [Changed the source in a CMS] “I changed the file name to ‘logo-blue.png’ and it didn’t change to blue. It turned into a small box with a red X in it. Have you broken it?”

check out the "Killer Jellyfish of Graphic Design Favors" currently on Page 2

and my fav: "The unicorns don’t look realistic enough."
—  Client commenting on preliminary animations from a ‘Magical Wonderland’

[ClockWork]

In early 2009, I started one right here in MacTalk - if interested.

[BiRDBRAiN]

ROFL @ this one:
"Here, I really like Apple’s logo, so I’ve taken their logo and put our name under it."

[BiRDBRAiN]

OMG (falls out of chair laughing!):
"Our web application support team doesn’t know html or javascript, can you redo the project so you aren’t using those?"

[stewiesno1]

Some great ones there.
I've just spent a very entertaining fifteen minutes trawling through these.
my fave...

Me: “So what’s your budget?”

Client: “Well we are well known amongst all the Russian billionaires so there is great potential for you to get your name out there by doing this project for free.
Also I am a direct descendant of Genghis Khan.”

Stewie

[martinX]

Confession time.

Colleague and I (I'm video, he's web design. Not IT guys per se, but we'll have a crack at it... ) were looking at logfiles from an intranet webserver. The daily logfiles were getting huge - up to 400 MB when they used to be 20 MB - and we were trying to work out what was going on.

In order to see just how big they got, I sorted by size.

A minute later, goldfish brain here (thinking they were still sorted by creation date) said " ... and look, each file is incrementally larger than the previous one. Not one is smaller than the one before it."

It wasn't until later I remembered sorting by size some 60 seconds earlier. Glad I never shared my deductive insight with the IT department.

I redeemed myself later by discovering the problem. It turned out to be nearly a dozen PCs across the campus with "funwebproducts" installed (adware junk). They were hammering our webserver. I found the answer in the user agent strings.

[Exocet]

I trawled through about 50 pages of this the other night. I may do it again soon!

[martinX]

P36 and counting...

"Can you make my business card less gay looking?"

[KlaasVisser]

Another site of a similar bent - currently up to 7542 client quotes, and growing each day

[ClockWork]

I used to freelance as a print based graphic artist / designer - as well as mac troubleshooter, and in the 10 years of doing so, tacked up hundreds and hundreds of A4 adverts with tear aways, and it appears that although 1 or 2 years have passed, many of these flyers are now tac rusted into place on distant cork boards.

Every so often - perhaps once every fortnight, I'll get a call (from different people) asking if I still do artwork, yet none of them ever have an actual agenda - or if they do, it will have something to do with a field I know nothing about, such as pagination.

Some fellow calls me yesterday asking the same vagued out questions, to tell me he owns and runs several publishing companies and often needs artwork for various projects, both traditional hand drawn as well as computer generated art.

He then goes on to tell me how he's lost 35% of vision in his left eye and is slowly getting it operated upon, and then some story about meeting a woman in a shopping que and finding her so ravishingly beautiful, asking her to marry him on the spot - and a whole trail of complete blah for the next 15 minutes without stop, so I can't get a word in edge wise.

He then gets back onto the original subject about artwork and informs me I can earn anywhere between $15 per image, up to $7,000 per image, and all he really wanted to do was... "touch bases" - and he'll call later to arrange a café meeting in the near future.

Obviously weezling for something, yet I do not know what...

I mean - what are these kind of people really after?

[ClockWork]

Originally Posted by stewiesno1

Some great ones there.
I've just spent a very entertaining fifteen minutes trawling through these.
my fave...

Me: “So what’s your budget?”

Client: “Well we are well known amongst all the Russian billionaires so there is great potential for you to get your name out there by doing this project for free.
Also I am a direct descendant of Genghis Khan.”

Stewie

I know these guys Stew - anyone who has ever worked in graphic design knows those guys, yet the most typical are these ones:





and here's how to handle the old foot in the door billionaires:



Freakin' spot on.

[stewiesno1]

That is so true Clockers.

I've lost count of how many dickheads ( usually builders or interior designers ) who ring up with something along the lines of " If you design our house for free , we will tell everybody who you are and how happy we were with the plans and you will get so much work....."

The main problem with dealing with the general public...

Stewie

[ClockWork]

Originally Posted by stewiesno1

That is so true Clockers.

I've lost count of how many dickheads ( usually builders or interior designers ) who ring up with something along the lines of " If you design our house for free , we will tell everybody who you are and how happy we were with the plans and you will get so much work....."

The main problem with dealing with the general public...

Stewie

Oh... I didn't know you designed houses Stewart.
Perhaps we could meet for coffee and I could run some ideas past you.
My brother's wife's cousin's sister-in-law did a TAFE course on Interior Design and I could show you her portfolio to help you along...